On Rituals and Routines: Lather, Rinse, Repeat vs. Purpose and Meaning
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
It’s Monday morning - a fresh, new week. Today is the day you start leaving your desk for lunch, taking a brain break, and eating something healthy. You might go outside and breathe some fresh air. You are going to feel great in the afternoon! By 2:00pm you’re starving, grumpy, foggy, and you realize it’s not going to happen. We have the best intentions, right? As a leadership and development coach, I work with many people who want to start a new routine or ritual that will improve some aspect of their professional lives. If this sounds familiar, keep reading to understand what gets in the way.
Rituals vs. Routines
Rituals and routines are similar, but they’re not the same. The differences are found in the kind of thing you’re doing, how it makes you feel, and the purpose. First, routines. We all have routines. We brush our teeth, get groceries, drive a specific route to work, and maybe go to the movies on a Thursday night. Routines are necessary but a little ho-hum. Routines are about process; they’re tasks. A ritual is something that makes you feel a certain way. The act of doing it makes you feel something - calmer, happier, proud, energized, etc. - and means something to you. Rituals have purpose beyond task and require intentionality.
Not keeping up with your inbox (routine) is different than not having a practice to center yourself (ritual) before going into a challenging, highly charged meeting. The first is considered necessary; the second is often considered a luxury. However, ignoring the perceived luxury will most certainly have a negative impact (professionally and personally) over time. Knowing what you’re creating - ritual or routine - will determine how much thought you need to put into planning and the level of commitment needed to make it happen.
Understand your What, Why, and How
So, how do we create rituals with staying power? The answer lies in a few factors: what you are choosing, why you are choosing it, and how you make space for it. Let’s start with the what. It’s essential to choose something doable. Is it reasonable to expect that you can do it? Do you have what you need to get started? Deciding to take 15 minutes to yourself twice a week to pause and talk with a loved one requires different prep than undertaking archery as a way to find focus, challenge, and mastery.
Next, the why. This is where we most often get sideways. We choose things we think we should be doing, but in reality, we don’t want to do it. You’re thinking of your example right now! One example of mine is running. As recently as a couple of years ago, I tried to get into a running routine. I’ve done run/walk programs, I tried various incentives, I’ve buddied up, I’ve used trackers...the list goes on. But really, I don’t like running, and I’m not good at it, and I don’t want to do it. I just feel like I should. It would be good for me. ‘There’s no reason you can’t’, I tell myself. ‘Except you don’t want to!’ shouts the voice in my head. And so...I don’t. My best planning will never overcome my lack of desire because running, for me, will never be a ritual. It’s a routine I feel like I should establish. Let’s stop doing this. Rituals are not based in guilt, self-punishment, or shame. I know people for whom running is a ritual - and bless them! But as Amy Poehler says in her book Yes Please, “Good for you, not for me.”
Finally, creating space. We can only add so many things to our lives before something has to give. And if we don’t recognize this, we set ourselves up to feel like we’ve failed. It’s not that we can’t do the thing; it’s that we can’t do ALL the things. So, we must prioritize. This is hard because we often don’t want to give up anything, don’t feel like we can, or don’t take the time to discern what needs to go. Did you fail because you didn’t follow through on learning calligraphy, feeling serene while impressing everyone with handwritten letters and invitations? (Me again.) No, I was just bored and wanted to focus on something pretty and aspirational for a bit. And that’s fine cause I don’t write letters or send formal invitations - that’s not my life. When we are crystal clear on the purpose and meaning behind our new ritual and we intentionally create space for it, we are much more likely to be consistent with it.
For me, I’ve wanted to write about coaching and leadership for a while. I’m going to write a little bit every weekday and plan to post more like this regularly. So be on the lookout!
Go do it!
What’s the ritual you want to build into your work life? Why is it important to you? What needs to happen to create space for it? How will you commit to it consistently?
If you enjoyed this article, please share it with someone else who might like it. If this topic resonated with you and you’d like to learn more about my coaching, please reach out.